Cheney hunting accident triggers humor volley

U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney's accidental shooting of a fellow quail hunter in Texas gave new ammunition to television comedians who have long made the powerful, gruff-spoken conservative a target.

Fellow politicians, newspaper headline writers, and even the White House -- on the defensive over delays in reporting the incident -- also got in on the act.

Cheney's victim, attorney Harry Whittington, 78, was hit in the face, neck and chest by shotgun pellets in the accident on Saturday. Whittington was in stable condition on Monday, the first day the accident was a subject of widespread media humor, but he suffered a minor heart attack on Tuesday when birdshot migrated close to his heart.

Here are some examples of the jokes from Monday night's late shows, compiled from the Web sites of CBS (www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow) and About.com (www.politicalhumor.about.com), and from other humorists.

CBS' LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN

* "We can't get bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."

* "Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney."

* No. 4 on list of "Top Ten Dick Cheney Excuses" -- "I thought the guy was trying to go 'gay cowboy' on me."

NBC's THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO

* "I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wiretapping illegal?"'

* "Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!"

COMEDY CENTRAL'S THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

* "Moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted -- it's just not worth it."

THE DAILY SHOW (ROB CORDDRY)

"The Vice President is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. Now, according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face."

U.S. SEN. PATRICK LEAHY (news, bio, voting record) (REPORTED BY ROLL CALL NEWSPAPER)

* Cheney in 2004 dismissed Leahy with an highly publicized obscenity during a brief argument in the Senate.

"In retrospect, it looks like I got off easy," Leahy said.

WHITE HOUSE SPOKESMAN SCOTT MCCLELLAN

* McClellan, wearing an orange necktie, previewed a White House appearance of University of Texas Longhorn Football team, which wears orange jerseys: "The orange that they're wearing is not because they're concerned that the vice president may be there -- although that's why I'm wearing it."

FLORIDA GOV. JEB BUSH

* While wearing a bright orange political sticker: "I'm a little concerned that Dick Cheney is going to walk in."

NEW YORK POST (IMITATING CARTOON ICON ELMER FUDD)

"The White House took heavy flak yesterday for waiting a vewwy, vewwy long time before revealing that wascally Vice President Dick Cheney had shot a fellow hunter."